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Break Through Self-Doubt and Fear

8/3/2014

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Self-doubt and fear interfere with our ability to achieve or set goals. Self-doubt and fear are the voices in our head telling us, "You'll never succeed, so why try?" and "who do you think you are?" Self-doubt and fear are also what make us listen to those voices and decide to give up before we get started. 
 

While many people experience self-doubt and fear at some point in their lives, they take action anyway. Others remain stuck, or are confident in only one area of their life, such as work. They are too afraid to try new things like going back to school, entering new relationships or learning new skills. 
 
When we let self-doubt and fear rule our lives, we miss opportunities. We predict and believe that nothing good will happen to us, so we don't try anything new, and refuse to take even low-level risks. This leads us to discount people or situations that could help us reach our goals. While self doubt and fear can come in different forms and from different sources, we can learn to break through them. 
 
The vicious cycle of self-doubt and fear can paralyze you to no end. You have to learn to rule self doubt and not let it rule you. Understand that you are the decision maker and you can change the way you think is you just have a little faith.  you can be successful in whatever you do. 

To live with self-doubt is to like having your life ruled by the feelings. Don't focus on the negative concentrate on the positive. I know this can be difficult but it is not impossible. We are equipped with this ability but we must learn to use this part of us to fight fear and self doubt. Stop telling yourself that you are not good enough or that you will not make it. Realize that it is that you may just be afraid to try. Know, that we do not inherit a spirit of fear but one of love. 

Making positive changes
learn to change your attitude about yourself. read about and talk to people who have broken through their self-doubts and taken control of their lives.  get support from others and consciously began turning Your destructive self-talk into constructive self-talk. if you took certain actions, your mind and emotions will follow. began to plan and achieve your goals. Have faith in your ability.  then you will soon see that life will began to improve. learn to let go of blame and start to take small risks. stop comparing yourself to other people and began to open up to new  opportunities. 
 
If you need help overcoming feelings of self-doubt and fear, please read these ten techniques and processes that have helped me get to this place in my life.
 
1. Make a list of your fears. Only by admitting that they exist can you seek solutions. 
2. Write down how these fears affect your life. 
3. Become aware of the voices in your head and write down those negative messages. 
4. Start building a support system of friends and eliminate people from your life who foster feelings of negativity. 
5. Join a support group of people who have similar issues. 
6. Change each negative message to one that is affirming and constructive. 
7. Read books that help you feel better about yourself. 
8. Be aware of your past, and be willing to let go of it. 
9. List your goals and the actions you need to achieve them. 
10. Take one of those actions every day. Each time you do something that brings you closer to achieving your goals you will feel better about yourself. 
 
When fears and self-doubts come back, and they still do, I break through them by using the tools and skills I've learned and now teach. They work.

Be Blessed Family!



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Burn The Ships

3/9/2014

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It is tempting to retreat to safety and comfort when challenges and difficulties arise. To avoid turning around and abandoning your goals, you must make going forward more compelling then going back.



One of the keys to reaching your goals is to eliminate any escape routes. It is tempting to retreat to safety and comfort when challenges and difficulties arise. To avoid turning around and abandoning your goals, you must make going forward more compelling then going back.


When striving towards a goal, you must focus on what you want to obtain and avoid the impulse to go back to what you know and to what is comfortable. When Spanish Conquistador Hernando Cortez landed in Mexico, one of his first orders to his men was to burn the ships. Cortez was committed to his mission and did not want to allow himself or his men the option of going back to Spain. By removing this option, Cortez and his men were forced to focus on how they could make the mission successful.


Eliminating an escape route creates a compelling reason to focus on the goal and to keep moving forward. However, it is important to keep in mind that although Cortez had his men burn the ships, he did not have them burn the food and supplies. Cutting off an escape route to increase motivation and create the desire to press on where you might otherwise give up is totally different from throwing caution to the wind and taking undue risks. Reaching your goals still requires prudent planning and managing. All goals contain a certain degree of risk, but it isn't necessary to create undue risk and stress by not properly planning and thus lacking the necessary tools and supplies to achieve your goal. Take risks, but don't be careless or foolish and simply hope that everything will be okay.


Before you decide to burn your ships, make sure you have the supplies and tools necessary to achieve the goal. Something like quitting your job might sound like a good way to close the escape route, but it might also be a fast way to bankruptcy if you don't have resources to carry you through. Creating a savings account balance or having a journey job (a job that is a stepping stone to what you really want) allows you to take the risk of leaving your current job without creating undue risk. I once took a six-month leave of absence from a job while I was deciding if I wanted to move to a different state. Although it was difficult making the transition as I was very homesick, once I found a job in my new location, I resigned from the job I had waiting for me because I knew it would be too tempting to go back.


Close off the escape routes and make sure that you have a compelling reason to move forward. However, at the same time, make sure that you plan for the risk and have the tools, supplies and resources you need to achieve your goals. You can't eliminate risk but you can plan for it. Don't just jump in without thinking through the process and having a solid plan for moving forward.

Be Blessed Family!



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Allow Time For Germination

3/2/2014

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New ideas can take time to get used to. When we first hear the idea we may not be ready for it. That is fine. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be there for you.

There is a concept called seed planting. It means that it takes time for new ideas and suggestions to be embraced. There are clients that take hold of a new idea and run with it, some take a little more time to allow the idea to grow while others can take years before the idea sprouts. Still some clients will never grasp the idea. It will simply lay dormant. It doesn't really matter what the client does with the idea. The purpose is to plant the seed and the client can do with it what they will. Sometimes the idea just needs time to germinate.

Sometimes It takes years for that seed to germinate in your brain until one day it just sprouts and grow into a concept you understand. New ideas can take time to get used to. When you first hear the idea you may not be ready for it. That is fine. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be there for you.

The other side of this is not to force your ideas and suggestions onto other people. By all means share them, but leave it at that. Seed planting isn't an aggressive act; it is gentle and done with love and compassion. All you can do is plant the idea. What happens to it is up to the individual and what they are ready to hear at that very moment. The idea may sprout right away or it may take years. That isn't your concern. Your job is to plant the seed and move on.

Everyone is at different places in their lives. Sometimes you will understand the new idea right away and perhaps even take action on it in the moment. At other times it will take a while. Don't beat yourself up when you don't get something right away. It just means the idea is in germination. When you are ready the idea will sprout and grow and be right there to support you. Until then don't worry about it and go on with the ideas you are ready for. There will be plenty of idea seeds sprouting at any given time to keep you busy.


Be Blessed Family!



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Where Are You Going In Life?

9/2/2013

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Goal setting for your new  adventure or business.

Why not take some time out to think about and write down your goals for your business


What do you want to achieve?

Before you actually set up, decide what you want to achieve with your adventure or business. If you are already in business, review where you are going, are you clear about this?

Why not take some time out to think about and write down your goals for your business?

Write it down

Research shows that only 3% of people write down their goals, and on average these people earn 10 times those who don’t have goals. Plus research shows that people with up to date written goals are as much as 3100% more successful than people who do not have up to date written goals.

And make sure your business goals don’t conflict with things you want to do personally. When you are thinking about your goals, think about and write down your personal goals too. And if you are a multi owner business you will obviously need to discuss your responses with your colleagues, and agree on a shared set of goals for the business.

SMART goals

Make sure that the goals you write are SMART. What does this mean? It stands for:

Specific
Measurable
Attainable
Relevant
Timed

Apply these five measures to each of your goals.

What does it mean to you in reality?

Once you have written down your goal as a SMART goal, think about what the effects would be if you didn’t achieve it. What is the pain that you and those you love will experience if you don’t achieve your goal, such as ill health, poverty, unhappiness etc. (Why do this? Because recognizing this pain is an enormous motivating force that will help you to work even harder to make sure you don’t fail!)

Then decide what you will gain when you succeed - ie wealth, health, happiness, a prosperous retirement etc. What will you see, hear and feel? And what else will your success allow you to achieve  or do? And finally write down the key things you will need in order to achieve your goal. For example, it could be new resources, contacts, skills, actions etc.

Repeat this process using a new sheet for every single goal you would like to achieve.

Prioritize

Next try and prioritize the goals you have written. Lay out all of your goals in front of you and decide which are the most important to you, which are less important and which (if any) are, on reflection, not important after all.

For each goal that is still important work out how you will achieve it, break it down in to smaller steps to make it easier to manage.

Plan in timescales to do each step, write them into your diary or planner. That way you make reaching your goals part of your daily activities.

Look at your where your time goes

Its worth having a look at how you spend your time at the moment, and comparing this to the way you would like your life to happen. Then you can fit your goals into this as well.

To do this, look at the personal goals you set out and list out the broad areas of your life that are important to you eg family, friends, business, health, fitness, money etc Make a note of the percentage of your waking time that you would like to spend in each of these areas in an ideal world (make sure that the column adds up to 100%) Estimate approximately the percentage of your waking time you think you are actually spending in each area at the moment, - just a rough and ready approximation here, don’t waste time trying to get pinpoint accuracy the aim is just to get a broad feel Then calculate the gap between the two Looking at the gaps does it suggest that you need to make changes in order to achieve your goals? If it does, what changes are you going to make?

Next steps

Think carefully about everything you have just done and thought about. What are the implications for what you are doing in your business and your life - and what you should be doing?

Transfer the things you should be doing to an action planner. Keep this somewhere where you won’t lose sight of it, so that you are reminded on a daily basis about what you want to achieve.

If you think it would help contact an advisor, mentor or coach to discuss what else you can do to achieve your goals. Sometimes it helps to go through the whole exercise with a third party, who can be more objective and help you to focus on the right things.

Review your action planner. Prioritise it. And start taking action!

And remember, however good your ideas and intentions are… they will come to absolutely nothing unless they are turned into action.

So focus on taking ACTION. And start taking it today.




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60 Minutes To Clear Goals

8/8/2013

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I often talk about leadership and management. Leadership is about doing the right things while management is about doing things right. Often when we study time management, we study efficiency (doing things right) and make the assumption that we have the effectiveness (leadership) solved.

The first step in any time management system should be to work on goals and as such, I use the following 60 Minute Goal Setting Exercise.

Step 1:
 
at the top of a blank piece of paper write down “values” and then spend 10 to 15 minutes writing down everything that you value. 

There is a great website: www.stevepavlina.com/ that has a list of several hundred values to start your mind thinking in the right direction. After the time is up, stop doing this and move to Step 2.

Step 2: 

At the top of a blank piece of paper write down “lifetime goals”. This is where you can dream; for example, what places would you like to visit; what experiences would you like to have; what would you like to accomplish within your lifetime. This might include traveling to Australia; getting a university degree; living in an X square foot house, etc. There are no rules to this brainstorming – simply make a list.

I have done this goal setting exercise many times and I tend to use the same list of lifetime goals and add to the list each time I do the exercise.

Step 3:

At the top of a blank piece of paper write down what you would do if you had six months to live. This part of the exercise really came home to me this week when one of my close friends died at 36 years old. Some of us may have only six months to live; however, we may not know it yet. List everything that you would do if you had only six months to live. Part of the purpose of this exercise that I found works well for me is that it brings the truly important into focus. Often I find things that I would do if I had only six months to live that are not listed on my life time goals.

Step 4:

At the top of a blank piece of paper write down your goals for this year. After doing the first three steps, you will find this step much easier than the others. These are the goals to focus on NOW.

This total exercise will only take an hour. An hour spent clarifying your goals can save you hundreds of hours.


Be Blessed Family!



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“How Great is the Strength of Your Belief?”

6/29/2013

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Be careful what you believe because that is what you will experience.
Your belief system is a mechanism which is uniquely yours. It is powered by your desire and controlled by your thoughts and actions. In other words, your success is measured by the strength of your belief. 
  
What is it that you desire?

Often people do not have a clue what it is they want, they just know what they do not want. Now is a good time to evaluate your goals and determine the end result you want to achieve. Put your goals in writing and place them where you can see them throughout the day. Read them frequently to keep them fresh on your mind. 

Be inquisitive.

Research and learn as much as you can on how you can achieve your goal. Use all possible resources such as books, CDs, courses and people. Yes, people. Talk to as many people as possible who are already successful in what you want to achieve. Ask, ask and ask some more about what they did to reach success. Do not limit your contacts to only the people you already know. Introduce yourself by phone or mail, explain your purpose for contacting them and ask for a tip. The worst thing that can happen is that they ignore you. The best thing that can happen is that they become your mentor and offer support and encouragement. Chances are you will receive at least one great tip from many of the people you contact. This method is the least expensive and most rewarding. 

Be unique.

Next, take the ideas you learn, embellish them and come up with your own creative process. Think of how you can approach your goal in a way that no one else has. Dare to be different. Don’t be afraid to take risks. What do you have to loose? Write out a list showing the worst things that could happen and then list all of the best possible outcomes. Always maintain your concentration on your desired result.

Be a great competitor. 

When you were a child and saw your older siblings or friends riding a bike (without training wheels), you didn’t look at their scraped knees and elbows and say, “Whoa, I could get hurt doing that.” Instead, you begged to try it for yourself. With a great deal of practice and often pain, you gradually learned how to maintain your balance. Before long you were trying to “out do” your friends with your speed or fancy tricks. When you fell, you would get back on and try again with even greater determination. From your very first effort, you believed in your mind that if you got back on, you would eventually learn to ride. I bet you even knew in your mind you would be the best in the neighborhood, in your school, in the state, in the world!   
 
Be positive. 

If you see obstacles before you, then you will also only see problems. If you have hesitations that you plan will not work, then it will not work. If you are influenced by the power of negative people, then you will never be any better than they are. Believe in yourself and what you are capable of achieving.   

When your desire to succeed is stronger than the pain, fear or frustration of failing, there is no turning back. I challenge you to view your goals just like you did when you were a child before you learned about self doubt and negative criticism. Remember, anything is possible as long as you believe. Make a commitment that you will not let anything or anyone, including yourself stand in your way of reaching your goals.

Be Blessed Family!


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Mind of a Champion

6/25/2013

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How many times did you hear a true champion speak with doubt? How many times did you hear a boxer say, “It will be a tough fight, we will just have to wait until Saturday and see how it all works out”? Never, because doubt will knock you out before you even begin.


The athletes that are remembered are always those that performed memorably during times of pressure. I say memorably because they could be remembered for choking or rising to the occasion. Anyone who has played competitive sports knows that there is a different feeling during a play-off game, but as with all things in life, that by itself is not a bad thing, it is all in the way you handle it.

People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them
Epictetus 200AD

If you let self-doubt enter your mind, anxiety is sure to grow. Once you start to doubt whether you are capable of winning you’re on your way to disaster because the mind can only hold one thought at a time. You are either thinking of winning, and visualizing what winning will be like, or you are worrying about what happens if you don’t win. You can only hold one picture at a time. Sure some athletes waver back and forth, but at any given time you can only be holding one thought.

What the mind sees, feels, and thinks, it works towards. The mind needs to be given direction and then it works towards making that given destination a reality. The mind is constantly working towards results, the trouble is what directions are we giving the mind. When you learn how to control your mind, greatness is achievable. Learning how to think like a winner is the first step towards becoming a winner.

To Become a champion, you must first look and act like a champion. 
Muhammad Ali

Some people say you cannot control what comes into your mind. I believe with the proper training… you can. Regardless of whether or not you can or cannot control what enters your mind, you can definitely control how long you hold any thought that does enter your mind. If a seagull decides to have a bowel movement while flying overhead, you cannot exactly control that… but you sure the heck can control how quickly you clean yourself off.

It is the same with your mind. When a negative thought enters, clean it out with a flood of positive images. Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want. Focus on winning, not on not losing. Begin to daydream, make this daydream the ideal outcome. Not what you will settle for, but what would be perfect.

It's not what you are that holds you back, it's what you think you are not. 
Denis Waitley

Be Blessed Family!



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A New Conversation About Dreams - The Power of Intention

6/7/2013

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By setting an intention, you make it clear to yourself and others, just what you plan to do. Set an intention to redefine what it means to be serious about your dreams.

It’s time to change the way we think and speak about our dreams. Transforming a conversation, just like manifesting a dream, begins by setting an intention. Your intentions will assist you in taking greater control of your life.

A working definition for intention is: “to have in mind a purpose or plan, to direct the mind, to aim”. Lacking intention, we sometimes stray without meaning or direction. But with it, all the forces of the universe can align to make even the most impossible, possible. My intention is to transform the conversation around dreams from fear and doubt, to hope and possibility, followed by action and results.

Some might say this is not the right time to dream. The media and masses say, “It’s time to be realistic.” Consider this. Without our dreams all we have is our present reality. Reality is not a bad thing. We have to know where we are so we can design the appropriate strategy for getting to where we want to be. The challenge is our attitude around “reality” and being “realistic” and what being realistic has cost us. Often that’s our passion and joy, our hopes and dreams.

Given the unknowns and sometimes craziness of life, there’s never been a more important time to dream and setting your intention is the first step. When should you set an intention? You could set an intention every day. Your intention could be to work less and make more, or to find a new career that you are passionate about. It could be to get healthy and physically fit, or to spend more quality time with loved ones or alone. It can be specific and about something in particular or more like a quality, such as to be more relaxed or involved with life.

At seventy, Bessie set an intention to become a world famous photographer. Although many thought she was too old, she didn’t. She entered a photo contest where she won the first prize of $10,000. Her prize-winning photo toured around the world with a Kodak exhibit. She told me, “We’re never too old to make a dream come true.”

People set intentions on all kinds of dreams; to get married or have children, to get a job or make a career change, to write a book, lose weight, or move to a foreign country. When you set an intention and then act on it to demonstrate your commitment, amazing things occur. Intention can also give us fortitude for dealing with tough times.


For example:

Before you get out of bed, you can intend to have a fun or productive day.

Before you leave the house, you can intend to have quality time with your family or roommate.

Before you start your car, you can intend to have a safe ride to work.

Before you enter your workplace, you can intend to learn something new or be helpful.

Before the meeting begins, you can intend to be brilliant or calm.

First Steps:

1. Get clear about something you want and write it down.

2. Share your intention with someone in a way that will supportively hold you accountable to taking action.

3. Do something today to demonstrate your commitment to your intention.

4. Acknowledge that you did what you said you would and then, take the next step.

By setting an intention, you make it clear to yourself and others, just what you plan to do. Set an intention to redefine what it means to be serious about your dreams.


Be Blessed Family!



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Your Life Is A Do-It-Yourself Project

5/3/2013

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The responsibility of working hard, planning and living a successful and fulfilled life falls largely on you. This simply means that from this point forward, the burden of shaping your adult life, is on your shoulders. The sooner you realize this, the better!

The most important question to ask yourself is, what can I do today, this week, this month, this year, to get my life going in the direction I desire?

If you truly believe that there is more to you than meets the eye, stop making excuses, and start living your best life today!

If you are either on the verge of giving up, or are sick and tired of being mediocre, you can make a decision to start winning, by casting a YES vote in your favor today!

You don’t have to continue being stuck in that rut or being hounded by feelings of under achievement! Believe in yourself, you can make something of your life. Just don’t give up!

5 most important life management questions:

1. What?

What do you want to do with your life? This is probably one of the most important questions that you will ever answer. The answer to this question will lay the foundation for your destiny.

Once you have clearly identified what you want to do with your life, it then becomes the focal point of everything you plan to do. Knowing what you want to do, gives you clarity and a much needed sense of purpose. It also prevents you from engaging in side tracking, time wasting ventures which have no connection to your purpose.

2. Why?

Understanding the importance of why you want to achieve certain things in your life, is the motivation that will drive you to accomplish the goals that you have set for yourself.

Why do you want to achieve these goals you have set for yourself? Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to get married? Why do you want to start your own business? Why do you want to boost your self esteem? The answers to these questions must be compelling enough to move you into action.

3. Who?

In order for you to achieve certain things, you need to take on certain qualities. Who do you need to become as you strive to achieve your goal? Do you need to become more confident, committed and action oriented? Do you need to become a risk taker? Do you need to be more assertive? Identify the qualities that you need to adopt in order for you to achieve your goals.

Max Dupree rightly said that we cannot become what we need to be, by remaining what we are.

4. How?

How are you going to manage your life as a project? How are you planning on achieving your objectives? Do you have a step by step plan? Certain tools need to be in place to help you tie together all the pieces of the project you plan to accomplish.

Having a plan is very important because it is the road map to your goal. It will help you know what information you require to make each phase of your life a success. For example, if you want to lose weight, how do you plan to lose it? If plan A fails what is plan B?

5. When?

Every goal you set must have a deadline and any plan you have, must cease from just being a plan, turn into action and produce tangible results. When are you going to be done with at least one specific goal you have set out to accomplish? When are you going to wrap up the project?

Your life is a do-it-yourself project. If you want your plans to materialize, start taking action today!

Be Blesssed Family!

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5 Ways To SuperSize Your Life

4/29/2013

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Supersize like Superman.
McDonald’s does it, why shouldn’t you? Life is filled with choices; why not choose to live life in a more satisfying way.

1. Say Yes to Life. “Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -Henry James

Saying yes to life allows wonderful blessings to come to you. Say yes to opportunity and success. Say yes to a life that you live by your standards. Say yes to making your own decisions and not seeking approval of others. Say yes to a fulfilling and rewarding career. Say yes to a relationship that energizes, supports and stimulates you. Say yes to a promising future. Say yes to living without guilt, resentment or regrets. Say yes to spending more time on your self improvement. Say yes to living an authentic life. Say yes to taking chances and freeing yourself from fear. Say yes to happiness and achievements. Say yes to a well-lived life.

2. Love Yourself and Others Unconditionally. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.....” I Corinthians 13: 3, 5)

When was the last time you loved without hesitation or caution? Withholding love as a means of control only leads to distrust and resentment. Loving unconditionally means loving without judgment. Free yourself from unrealistic expectations and accept the person you love for who they are. Do not expect your needs and wants to be fulfilled by someone else. Allow those you love to express themselves without fear of rejection. Do not punish yourself or loved ones for past mistakes. People use the word love very loosely, but do not stop to think of the implications of using the word. Take the time to be responsible in how you show love. Allow yourself to love and be loved.

3. Take Risks “There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin

Everything in life involves a risk. Are you allowing fear of rejection and failure to dictate your life? Fear inhibits success. Take chances and free yourself from limiting beliefs. Taking risks empowers you to take charge of your life. Be curious about life; experiment and try new things. Set goals for yourself and take action. Step out of what is safe, comfortable and familiar to you. Examine what feelings emerge when you are thinking about taking a risk. Ask yourself, “What am I afraid of?” Concealing yourself in a safe container prevents you from exploring other possibilities. Embrace the unknown and anticipate success. You will never know the outcome if you don’t take the risk.

4. Make the Impossible, Possible “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”- Winston Churchill

Think it can’t happen; then it won’t. It is possible to get through the difficult times in life. Learn from failures and take responsibility for your life. Listening to your inner critic can sabotage your dreams. Silence the critic by reaffirming all the things you are capable of doing. Dream big and be excited about your future. Find and release your untapped talents. Believe in your abilities and discover what you have to offer the world. Think about all the things you can’t do and try to do them. Think back to a time, when something was difficult and you were able to overcome the challenge. Continuing to live life in a safe container doesn’t help you gain anything in life. Take the necessary actions to achieve your goals. Stop assuming and start achieving!

5. Make Your Life Really Count. “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” - Annie Dillard

What’s your legacy? How do you want to be remembered? The life you live defines who you are and the choices you make will determine what impact you will have on the lives of others. Never underestimate the power of your words and actions. You were uniquely created to make a contribution to the world. It is your right and your obligation to make your mark in this world. Surround yourself with people who are supportive, positive and encouraging. Show appreciation and gratitude to those around you. If you have a message to share, then share it with the world. Staying small and thinking small will not get you where you need to be in life. Starting today, have a new perspective on life. Start a new chapter in your life.

Be Blessed Family!

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