Subtractive of true consciousness my hopes and aspirations
Freely play epic adventures on my eyelids
Ventures into the unknown but in the home of my deepest heart thoughts
I see what would happen if I never took a first step
If I never soared into the upper echelon of my potential…
Apparently I’d be a slave says my latest mindplay.
Shackled down into an abyss of mediocrity
Bound to a sure ending
Preventing any movement beyond consuming scraps to fulfill an undying hunger to be fed by what I truly deserve
I’d be underserved and forever overachieving in a circle with my square-minded ideas
I would never fit.
Fear would strike further fear with each lash
Cracking obedience and submission into a person they wish to submerge
39 blows attempting to bleed me out
Blind to my unseen Lifesaver who remains above and around me
Omnipresent hope floating me along until I decide to swim upstream
This dream told me to Fight.
That confinement doesn’t combine with my passion to live beyond and in spite of…
In spite of shortcomings
In spite of overthinking
Beyond continual beatings
In spite of repeating self-defeating phrases that it’s too hard
In spite of Myself.
I watched a fellow escapee jump to his death
And I’m wondering if this is the half of me subliminally that wants to give up
To surrender all efforts towards a seemingly unreachable freedom.
I considered ending the road I wasn’t done paving
Then bravely looked down at what could be
And mustered up enough resilience to do what should be
I took this journey alone with hesitance at my back
Resistance in the wind
And suspense in every corner as I hid and slid past my captors
Trappers ready with their nets investing in my stagnant future if I were ever caught.
I sought the sun to illuminate my lonely mood
As I pursued more and more, praying this trek would yield a harvest I’ve sewn seeds in long before I knew the purpose
A deluge of trouble rushed down rapids
Swelling vaster by the minute, aptly resembling my self-doubt
I swam against waves created to break my spirit
While a voice above continued to bellow to me
“You were made for more”
With this encouragement nourishing my thirst
I burst through a new realm of understanding who I am
What I am to do with this freedom
A world of roads, forks, paths and traps lie ahead of me yet
I feel there is a beat always ordering my march
A tempo that won’t let me slow down
My Creator knew what I’d be doing before the brewings of my imagination surfaced
So the freedom is in the discovery of who I’ve been this whole time
And just didn’t know.
These shackles have been shades over a life meant to be brighter
My dark thoughts colored my hope into an opaque vision that I was stuck
Not trusting the doorknob just inches outside of my reach
The power is Mine!
The Holy Spirit remains a divine presence I don’t often tap into
And that…is an enslaved life.
A lack of knowledge to the Light I have been given if I simply reach UP and receive.
Cleave to the power that’s been within me and will be for the eternity of my existence
He is guiding me
Imploring me to continue to move Upward and Onward
These steps get hard but they ARE for me
Breaking down my pride with each stride into the unknown
Oh, I know I’m being carried
Lifted when my legs begs for solace, rest, just a Break Lord
But He knows I can handle it
Philippians 4:13 seems to whisper to me when I feel I’ve lost my voice
When my chords are singed from my burning cries out into the night
He hears me…
He steers me when my hands shield my eyes from what’s coming next
What would I do if I’d been through nothing at all?
If I didn’t haul my troubles to the alter call and release them
My appreciation of blessings would be diminished
Finishing off entitlement with a seal of ignorance that I’m immune to pain
He sandpapered me to my core
Forcing me to examine the vermin determined to keep me from growing
Eating me alive with each doubt and worry I didn’t hand to Him
The scraps made me savor the flavor of wonderful Grace
My cold nakedness made me bask in the warmth of His Mercy
The fear of being lynched kept me on my toes with Him holding me up
Pushing me to break beyond my sight, even through tears
All of these trials were necessary for me to claim victory
And oh, how joyous it is to finally escape into His arms.
Be Blessed Family!